It really has come close but it is a sticking point for me and I have realised that I am just not a quitter. I have eluded in recent blogs that things have been tough for me over the last few (or sadly, not so few) months, and they really have been rock bottom but I have realised that quitting just isn’t in my nature. I have also realised though that quitting is different from stopping.
A few years ago, I had a tricky horse and after several falls and near misses, I turned to mum and said “Enough”. He was the wrong horse for me and it was getting to a stage of being dangerous and I stopped. Not quit but stopped. It was not an easy decision and maybe was a decision that should have been made earlier, but it was the right decision.
A couple of weeks ago, I received a letter about my probationary judging appointments for this year – the first one on 1st May. For those who read this blog about my assessment – I passed!) And the next day, I had written my letter to quit. Not stop but quit. I am not riding as much as I expected at the moment, I am not as fit as I would like to be, I have lost confidence in myself and with a young child, 5 freelance work projects and a musical to produce, I have enough on my plate…. I quit horses. That is something I used to do, it is something I used to enjoy but I am moving on now and letting it go. Enough battling to keep going, I quit.
But it simply didn’t sit right with me – these were legitimate reasons and if I was ready to stop, then I would but actually I am not. I still have things to do. And I am not a quitter. Email deleted.
So, tonight I went for a run – anyone who knows me has just fallen off their chair whilst reading this – but NHS Couch to 5k is happening. I also haven’t had any chocolate all day – after getting back on their chairs they have refallen. Next week, I am meeting with a personal trainer to discuss getting riding fit off a horse – vlog on my YouTube channel coming soon. No vegging out for me – I have stuff to do! Bring on 1st May.