I haven’t written a blog for nearly half a year simply because I lost my voice. Blogging is a means of expression; sharing a story, voicing an opinion and detailing a journey. And recently, my story got confusing, my voice lost and my journey too dark to share. However, life is full of chapters and it’s time I start a new one and put pen to paper again. (Or realistically fingers to keyboard!)
I watched a film called ‘Late Night’ – on Amazon Prime with Emma Thompson and Mindy Kaling (#notasponsoredpost (but highly recommend)) about a formidable late night talk show host. There was a defining moment where she was going to go against what she believed in and what she stood for to ‘keep the peace’. Thankfully her trusty sidekick reminded her that this was “her show and her expression of self” and, in true Hollywood style, she gave one of those speeches you dream of being able to make. Or I certainly do.
It made me think of my blog. This is my expression of self and, over recent years, I have lost a huge part of what that actually means, who that actually is and it shows in my content.
In my Rider Confidence course, one week is focused on ‘Allies’. It is so hugely important in our life to have the right people to support us. People to be our cheerleaders, our voices of reason, our confidants…. choosing the right people is the closest thing we get to controlling our destiny. And I chose badly.
However, one bad choice does not define our whole journey. Emma Thompson proved that but so have so many others….. Nelson Mandela comes to mind.
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
I would like to find my voice again. I admire those that speak up – from body confidence advocates, to the #metoo movement and recently Black Lives Matters…. there are times to speak up and times to listen and I hope to do both. I would like to stand up for things I believe strongly in and be honest but I would also like to share peoples’ stories that maybe can’t share their own. (I started with my Showing Mentors series)
Alongside this, Mindy’s character in the film was so brilliantly authentic and true to herself. I have an amazing friend, Samantha Fields, who epitomises this and she inspires me regularly to do the same. I may need time to work some things out and need some time to heal but I would like to represent that better and be less apologetic for simply being myself.
Blogging, for me, was never about developing huge numbers of followers and getting sent free stuff. It was about reaching people, maybe just a handful and making a difference, even in just a tiny way. I can’t stand this fad of ‘influencers’ who stand for nothing but ‘inspire people’ to feel bad about themselves or to lust after a false image of happiness. I think bloggers and influencers should be there to say something and to use their unique voice. I want to find and use mine.
So, watch this space people…. How Very Horsey 2.0 is coming……