Sat in my bed, where I seem to spend a scary amount of time at the moment, I realise how much lockdown has effected me. Less motivation, no plans, fewer goals, barely any reasons to get out of my pjs…. Then the posts start of people back out competing. How? How are they doing that? Just like that, like nothing has happened. I am not sure our lorry will even start after so long. I fear my show gear may have a family of bats living in it. And I can almost guarantee it won’t fit. How do shows work again? What’s a coursewalk? Tell me I am not alone?
I scroll through social media and see people excelling already. One of the people I have watched with admiration throughout lockdown is Katy Green – a great friend and a great rider. I know that social media is all about showing the best bits and I imagine she has had the home schooling nightmares and the duvet fort depression days too. But she has been working really hard with her horses through the time and come out, I feel, better than ever. She absolutely deserves every success.
My lockdown has been truly hideous, on gargantuas proportions. Others have had it worse, some have had it better. Looking at how others are coming out of lockdown now, whilst not considering how they have spent lockdown, is never going to be a good idea.
I will admit that I was jealous though. I am only human. But then there is a great quote
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
As a Daisy, I should definitely remember this one! Comparing helps no one.
But then, I am also a competitor. I literally have to compete against these amazing people! How does that work? Well, I will compete but I won’t compare.
I won’t be as good, or as prepared, or as strong right now but I will continue to work on that and when I am ready I will start small and build up, and as I get stronger I will be more of the competitor I want to be. God, I look forward to that day. But I must ride my own path and focus on my lane, as it’s the only one I have got. And you know what, I went and asked Katy Green for some help too…
My lockdown has been long because it hasn’t just been down to Covid. For a long time I have felt caged and lost but finally I have been able to find the strength to change that. It’s going to take a while to completely unlock but now is about rebuilding. Guess I am still in the cocoon stage and not ready for the butterfly bit. You won’t be seeing a butterfly soaring out of lockdown. And you know what….. that’s ok.