I was recently reading a post about the importance of teaching a horse to stand still and how it can quite often be a challenge. It is what I needed to hear but weirdly for myself and not my horse. Anyone else guilty of the ‘keep busy and avoid feeling’ approach to life? Or the tastier but less good on the waistband, ‘eat your feelings’ approach? Or perhaps you have tried the glass of wine and trash TV to distract the mind? With the summer season ending, the wooly coats growing and the darker nights coming in, it is a time to stand still and consider where you are at and what you a feeling. As unpleasant as that might sound.
The ‘keep busy and don’t feel’ technique is remarkably sustainable but we can’t grow from that place. If you want next year to be the same as this year, then stay busy and don’t feel. Our feelings can be scary but they can also be incredible teachers if we allow them to be. It is only by feeling and understanding our feelings that we can grow, learn and heal.
If you avoid feeling, you avoid healing.
A big feeling that I recently had to sit with was jealousy.
Watching the Horse of the Year Show, I definitely felt jealous. I have been sooooo close to getting the chance to trot into the main arena to jump the Working Hunter there and it just hasn’t happened. I even got to warm up once and still it was not to be. I am jealous of those that get to experience that; get the challenge of competing there, get to stand amongst the elite in the country, that get to represent in that iconic arena and get to compete for that pivotal award.
Appreciating the feeling of jealousy can reveal what is really wanted and desired.
A feeling that is often brought up during my coaching work is fear. A fear of changing something, or trying something new, or dealing with a situation. Fear can only by settled if it is sat with and examined.
Fear is actually revealing an opportunity to grow.
Feelings as a guide
- Jealousy – can reveal what is really wanted and desired
- Fear – can reveal an opportunity to grow
- Resentment – can reveal a lack of boundaries being put in place
- Shame – can reveal an area where you need acceptance
- Anxiety – can reveal a need to ground more in the present or a need for clarity of the future
- Anger – can reveal a need for justice
- Sadness – can teach us how to let go
What emotions are you feeling right now and what are you going to learn from them?