The end of my judging journey

It is the end of my judging journey and it is ok.

After finishing a law degree, I followed my path to becoming a lawyer. I found myself working on a murder trial at the Old Bailey which is probably a dream of so many aspiring lawyers. I sat there numb. It was not what I expected at all. Hours of detailed discussions of a 14-page list of mobile phone records were very different from the fast paced action I was anticipating. Clever, entertaining, mind blowing cross examinations were at best lack lustre. I sat with one of the top Barristers in the country at lunch and discussed his career (inspiring) and his lifestyle (depressing).

I was working with the defence team of a young man who was accused of being involved in a murder at a shop whilst he was on bail awaiting trial for stabbing someone else. I was nervous to sit down with him; in Henley you don’t really come across murderers. He was not what I expected. He wasn’t a criminal mastermind or evil villain, he was just an uneducated, simple, lost kid. I wasn’t quite sure how to process this. The Barrister proceeded to stop him from talking when he was saying things we shouldn’t be hearing and we left. When I told the Barrister he wasn’t what I expected, he simply shrugged. When I asked the Barrister whether it was hard to defend someone you know is guilty, he shrugged. The more time I spent with the people I was trying to be, the more I realised I didn’t want to be them.

I realised I didn’t belong there. I wanted to be Erin Brokovich or maybe even Julia Roberts, not this.

Sat at the BHSA judging assessment day, I had that same feeling. I didn’t belong there.

It has taken a while but I have quite a strong understanding of who I am now. I don’t always fit in places, I will question everything (ask my exhausted teachers at school) and so I was naive to think I could possibly fit in and tick the boxes that needed to be ticked.

I would have made a good judge and I enjoyed the experience. I had the opportunity to see the other side of competition, I rode some great horses, I had some lovely feedback from competitors (including some “names” who I didn’t think knew I existed!) and I learnt a bit more about myself along the way.

So, I will no longer be a lawyer or a judge. Instead I will be working towards where I can do something right and something well. Expect to see me asking a lot more questions! However, I will be wearing a different badge. I may also have a camera in my hand, but definitely never a stick.

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  1. Wow! I can’t imagine having to work on a murder trial. About ten years ago I taught in Chicago and “happened upon” a shooting in process. Thankfully I didn’t see anything and was out of harm’s way (literally opening the door to the school when I heard the “Pop Pop Pop!”) but I was called as a witness. That was a defining moment for me (I moved away from the neighborhood and eventually moved back to California)! It’s good you have tried things to figure out what is you and what is not you. Congrats on moving in the direction of your horsey dreams!

    1. Wow. Really scary stuff. It was a murder trial I worked on and watching cctv of a man getting stabbed was pretty horrendous.
      Ponies are the way to go I think.

  2. Knowing what you don’t want to do after you have given it a go IS the way the way to do things – it is folk who don’t try things who never know any truth about themselves – and the view is so different when you have done something – whether you liked it or not – it always gives new choices and often we seem to have to work through other folks dreams for us first before we find our own. Good luck Daisy – ‘Look between ears and kick on…’ 🙂

  3. Wow that’s quite a story to end 2017 and begin 2018 ! Without a doubt Daisy everything you do you give it 100 per cent, don’t ever doubt your talents (of which there are many) I hope you achieve whatever you want to do, you deserve to. Happy new year xxxx

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